What to do if you’re going through heartbreak over Valentines…

Lucy Gray

Valentines is a marmite holiday at the best of times, but being heartbroken and having Valentines everywhere? Well that just sucks.

First of all I want to state the obvious - I’m really sorry that you’re going through heartbreak right now, in whatever form that takes. Whether it’s a relationship break up, a situationship not working out, grief, or perhaps a divorce each one hurts in its own right. Secondly, I’m sorry that Doodling Lucy adds into the ‘hallmark holiday’, personally Valentines has always been a funny one for me, but as a business it’s a holiday that keeps me afloat so I have to make the most of it.

As a girl who has a big heart and had her fair share of heartbreaks, I have learnt there are a few ways to ease that gut wrenching pain (there really is nothing like it) I hope that you can take something from this blog post, even to know you’re not alone…

  1. Mute them - or if you can delete them on socials.

I’ve been there, the checking their socials, obsessing over what they are liking, what they’re not liking, who are they following now?! If I put this photo up it looks like I’m having fun but actually I’m crying myself to sleep. But then I can’t let them know that they’ve upset me because I’m a strong independent who doesn’t need a man -  It makes you feel like you’re going insane. So please do yourself a favour and rip the plaster off, remove them as a friend, and delete them or if this feels like a bit too much at the moment mute them, or take the app off your phone for a bit.

Take away the opportunity for your to obsess. If you’re worried about what they might think, it’s okay to tell them too. Let them know you are doing this for you, it’s not about them.

Once when I was going through a situationship break up, I let him know that as soon as the conversation was over I would remove him on social media. That it wasn’t because I hated him, or that I was bitter, it was for my own sanity. It didn’t stop it hurting, but it made the healing process 10x quicker.

Think about it, our parents or grandparents never had the opportunity to keep in touch with any of their exes apart from via letters or telephone calls (and who would be going about ringing house phones for an update?!) and I’m sure that made it easier for them.

Latte and phone with instagram next to it

Now's the time to take a break from social media

 2. Surround yourself with the right people

That friend who just got engaged? Probably not the best brunch partner right now, and that’s okay. Be picky with who you spend this painful time with. If you need to cancel plans to go and cry on your parents sofa whilst your Mum brings you a cup of tea and you sleep in your childhood bed do it. Whatever works for you, works for you.

3. Talk it out - or if you can’t, write it out

Find someone who will listen and talk it out, talk about it until you’re blue in the face, until you’re sick of your own voice. Until you’ve got nothing left to say. This one might be hard if you feel like at the moment you don’t have anyone who will listen, and I get that, so if you don’t write it down. Your journal is your best friend at this moment, you don’t need to worry about sounding silly in there. You can rip pages out, burn them even if you have to, just get those thoughts bouncing round your head onto paper. Give your brain some peace.

Girl writing in her journal with vase and coffee cup beside her

4. All that love you have left over? Give it to yourself, give it to your friends, give it to your family. 

I think one of the hardest things about break ups, is that you feel like you have all this left over love, that you once poured into them and now you don’t know what to do with it. You feel lost right? Okay, so nows the time to give it to yourself, the money you would spend on their birthday present? Put it towards a spa day for yourself. The Valentines card you would usually buy them? Buy a Galentines card for your BFF and let them know how grateful you are for them. Nows your time to love yourself again. 

Work out what it is you love to do, what makes you you? and go and do it. 

5. Be kind to yourself

You’re going through hell right now, please don’t add anything else on top of that. Heartbreak is heartbreak. It doesn’t matter if you were together for 50 years or whether it was a weekend holiday romance. Each one hurts in its own way and own right, don’t beat yourself up for feeling. It makes you human. 

6. Know that time heals all

I know you want to know when, and how long it will be and unfortunately I can’t give you answers to that. But one day it will finally click and you will finally begin to feel better, the dark heartbreak cloud will lift. Each day it’ll get that little bit easier, just put one foot in front of the other. 

I'm not sure how to sign this blog post off as it's the type of blog you dont want people to read, but I hope that you are able to take something from it, and that this pain will pass quickly for you. 

Lots of love, 

Lucy x 

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